Dreading The Holidays?

This blog is for you who are not looking forward to the holidays. The two most common reasons people dread the holidays are 1: Loneliness. And 2: Spending time with people who are not nurturing.

Let’s first look at loneliness and what to do about it. Holidays is a time for togetherness, and if you do not have friends or relatives that you can or want to celebrate with, the feeling of loneliness can become overwhelming. There are two solutions.

The first is to awaken to your True Nature. Then loneliness and depression is never again a consequence of hardship. But the desire to awaken is nothing anyone can force. For you who do not yet have this longing, the best way to deal with loneliness is to seek out solutions such as professional support; spend time in nature; at a minimum get plenty of fresh air every day; get on with your bucket list; exercise a lot; eat healthy foods; dive into great books and movies; or ask a friend if you may spend the Holiday with him or her. There is a great likelihood that they will be VERY happy that you asked, extremely honored to have you join their family, and perhaps also a little ashamed that they did not think of asking you before you asked them. Or, invite someone else who is lonely to your place.

However, if the desperate and passionate longing to discover your True Nature is alive in you – loneliness is a wonderful opportunity to (seriously) inquire into “who is lonely?” Feel your way to the answer. Another useful practice is to identify Awareness itself and then start using your attention to go between Awareness itself and whatever your awareness is ON. When you master this spiritual practice, not only can you flow with any challenge without suffering, every moment in your life will blossom. You can learn more about this mindful meditation practice in my classes “Meditation 10" and "12 Guided Meditations.”

The most transformative practice for anyone who is lonely, whether a seeker or not, is to stop and fully FEEL your loneliness a few times day. Not in an indulging poor me kind of way, but by putting all your attention on the feeling of loneliness, while simultaneously ignoring any thought, story, expectation or image that arises. If you can keep 100% of your attention on the sensation of loneliness, for a minute or two, there will be a beautiful surprise for you.

The second reason some people dread the holidays is that they spend time with people whose company is extremely un-nourishing for a variety of reasons.

In these cases, whether you are a seeker of your True Nature or not, I would suggest to try something radically new. First, take some notes in two columns. (These notes are just for you..) First column: Exactly what, or who is not nurturing and why. And Second column: What does joining this event give you? After putting your feelings into words on paper, consider what it would be like to not go this year. Risk being talked badly about behind your back. (Or straight to your face..) Whether you are single, have a partner or kids, let them go without you this time, or take the kids with you on a trip somewhere. Book a retreat. Explore not pretending and getting closer to your own truth. Get a coach or therapist to support you. Play like a child again. Investigate what makes YOU happy. Break routine, tradition and be wild. Throw yourself off the cliff of both your own and other’s expectations.