STOP WORRYING about your TEEN

The other day my 19 year old son told me he was starting a new job delivering pizza. Immediately I froze in fear, images of snowy slippery roads and a distracted young man looking at his phonemap instead of the road - BUT – fortunately – what also came was a very strong voice that said “ENOUGH!” I`m exhausted. I DONT WANT TO WORRY ANY MORE! Twenty years soon. If I don`t look at this habit right now – my chilling imaginary stories could continue to debiliate me forever. Ím so tired of worrying about my son. But how do I stop?

The origin of a parent´s worry is fear that our child will get physically or emotionally hurt or die. But the truth is that compulsive worrying about our young adults - do both of us great disservice.

1. As a mother my main job is to support my son towards independence. When he feels my worry through fearful questions and an overly concerned tone of voice – I take power away from him - by belitteling him in a way. Indirectly I am saying “I do not trust you..” Which not only irritates our kiddos – but also encourages their insecurity – and MAKES them perform less well.

If on the other hand I share his excitement and my questions make him feel proud and capable - I encourage confidence – and responsible action. And by 19 – an emotionally healthy young adult is not going to do what mommy says anyway.. HIS job is to break away from being a child. Meaning he needs to start making his own decisions – even when those decisions make a parent gasp. We must allow our young adults to learn from their own mistakes. And when we become capable of just watching from the sidelines - with love, respect and patience – our parent / child relationship imroves tremendously – which also feeds maturation in both of us.

2. Allowing our children to suffer. We are here on planet Earth in human form to evolve our Soul. Before we came into these bodies - each of us chose our main relationships and life events according to whatever Karma we want to work off. And because human beings tend to learn through pain – the most supportive parent manner – is to allow our young adults to suffer – while simultaneously being an available loving background presence. WHEN and IF our children come to us and ask for help – THEN and ONLY THEN are they open to our support – which most of the time mainly involves listening. When we listen with 100% presence – stay away from lectures and “I told you so..” - and ask questions that help our kids find their own answers – our parenting is optimal – AND they will come to us for support more often.

3. Fear of our child dying. Every parent’s worst fear is our child leaving their body before we do. Mainly for the selfish reason that we do not want to go through that kind of emotional pain. And no matter how clear we are that this human life is but a play we all planned together – it takes a very high level of spiritual maturation to fully embody this knowledge.

But as there is nothing we can do to stop what is meant to happen - and nothing we can do to make happen what is not meant to happen - the sooner we are able to live the notion that free will is limited to our response to predetermined events – and the sooner we can respect that our children are doing their very best to transcend their own Karma – the more we offer optimally loving and effective parenting.